The X-Treme Penguin Shreds On Thin Ice

In an effort to keep the title of his name, the X-Treme Penguin is inventing a new sport combining jet packs, a cart, and an arcade machine. "I like to call it, 'X-TREME JETPACK THIN ICE CART SURFERZ!' with a Z at the end," the penguin announced with an announcer-esque impression. "The rules of this game are simple: Beat Thin Ice on that arcade machine. All ice, all coin bags. BUT WAIT! There's also a cart you're riding on. If you're a pro like me, you can easily handle Thin Ice and cart surfing. You can't forget the high speed jet packs either — that's what makes it extreme!"

The X-Treme Penguin offered to "show off his skills" by playtesting a round of X-Treme Jetpack Thin Ice Cart Surferz on the Snow Stormer course. The machine was soon completely destroyed along with the tube lift and the blue penguin, lying unconscious.

‘The Party Starts Now,’ Says DJ Cadence Whose Beach Bash Starts Next Week

After receiving 5-star reviews from the first event, DJ Cadence is planning to host another Beach Bash at Coconut Cove with her stage crew and back-up dancer. "It's amazing to get another chance of creating such an experience," says Dot the Design Gal, who has helped coordinate stage and fashion design, "I just hope things go a LOT smoother than last time." Technician and construction worker Rory commented, "I've been wanting to spruce up my special effects with more fireworks. You could say it's 'the perfect day' to get to business." On the topic of songs, DJ Cadence mentions, "We're going all out this Beach Bash. I'm bringing my latest hits and my old tunes, including The Party Starts Now ! Catch us next week!" Despite the singer's claim to begin the concert immediately, the Beach Bash officially debuts next Saturday.

Chef Causes Blackout After Borrowing Island's Power Source For Pizza

Panicking to find ingredients for their recipe, amateur chef PetesAugh12 takes the hot sauce reservoir from Beacon Boardwalk, causing a blackout at midnight in the process. "I'll be completely honest," admits the pizza cook in the dark, "I didn't expect the hot sauce to be the sole thing that makes the machines work. Hot sauce is hot sauce; it goes in your pizza and in your digestive system. No wonder that door was so hard to open." PetesAugh12 apologized for their major accident, and will receive a 50,000 coin fine and 2 months of their membership revoked. As the authorities fix the power outage and return the reservoir, a citizen asks, "Is anyone else getting déjà vu?"

Gary Is 72% Sorry For Determining Every Single Thing With Percentages

With an addiction to count calculation and data decimals, Gary the Gadget Guy apologizes for his increasing problem of determining every situation with percentages. "I'm 72% sorry for my behavior, " he addressed to the crowd, "I hypothesize that at least 50% of you believe I do it because it makes me sound more smart, but that is not the case. I do it because it makes me sound smart er ." The statistical scientist concluded his speech with an oath, "I, Gary the Gadget Guy, promise to limit my usage of relying on calculations by at least 38% and simply wing with it." According to Gary, the remaining 28% of his 72% sorrow was 14.4% non-guilt and 13.6% hungry.

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