Longtime Citizen Experiences Postlife Crisis As Anniversary Approaches

While the residents of Club Penguin Island celebrate their 4th year since the grand debut, a troubled citizen, Northway2007, experiences postlife crisis amid the confetti and music. "Has it really been that long since it opened?" he pondered, staring at his slice of cake in deep thought, "There's no way it's been that long. It feels like only 2 years but it also feels like forever. Time is going too fast and too slow. I've just started getting used to life!" Northway2007 expressed his regret of not taking full advantage of his life on the island, claiming to spend it by consuming as many of the special menu items at Franky's as possible. "I'm making up for lost time and the time I have ahead of me. This is who I am from now on!" An hour after the interview, Northway2007 reported having stomach problems.

‘The Party Starts Now,’ Says DJ Cadence Whose Beach Bash Starts Next Week

After receiving 5-star reviews from the first event, DJ Cadence is planning to host another Beach Bash at Coconut Cove with her stage crew and back-up dancer. "It's amazing to get another chance of creating such an experience," says Dot the Design Gal, who has helped coordinate stage and fashion design, "I just hope things go a LOT smoother than last time." Technician and construction worker Rory commented, "I've been wanting to spruce up my special effects with more fireworks. You could say it's 'the perfect day' to get to business." On the topic of songs, DJ Cadence mentions, "We're going all out this Beach Bash. I'm bringing my latest hits and my old tunes, including The Party Starts Now ! Catch us next week!" Despite the singer's claim to begin the concert immediately, the Beach Bash officially debuts next Saturday.

Chef Causes Blackout After Borrowing Island's Power Source For Pizza

Panicking to find ingredients for their recipe, amateur chef PetesAugh12 takes the hot sauce reservoir from Beacon Boardwalk, causing a blackout at midnight in the process. "I'll be completely honest," admits the pizza cook in the dark, "I didn't expect the hot sauce to be the sole thing that makes the machines work. Hot sauce is hot sauce; it goes in your pizza and in your digestive system. No wonder that door was so hard to open." PetesAugh12 apologized for their major accident, and will receive a 50,000 coin fine and 2 months of their membership revoked. As the authorities fix the power outage and return the reservoir, a citizen asks, "Is anyone else getting déjà vu?"

Gary Is 72% Sorry For Determining Every Single Thing With Percentages

With an addiction to count calculation and data decimals, Gary the Gadget Guy apologizes for his increasing problem of determining every situation with percentages. "I'm 72% sorry for my behavior, " he addressed to the crowd, "I hypothesize that at least 50% of you believe I do it because it makes me sound more smart, but that is not the case. I do it because it makes me sound smart er ." The statistical scientist concluded his speech with an oath, "I, Gary the Gadget Guy, promise to limit my usage of relying on calculations by at least 38% and simply wing with it." According to Gary, the remaining 28% of his 72% sorrow was 14.4% non-guilt and 13.6% hungry.

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